There Is No “Greener Grass”
I’m aware this particular topic may be an exhausted one…but because I take pride in emphasizing the importance of independence, strength, individuality, and free will and also encourage not conforming to the cookie-cutter ideologies that traditional culture sometimes delivers, this message can and should be reiterated as needed. And perhaps when conveyed from a different perspective, it can resonate with anyone who has been battling with any form of self-doubt that he or she is not where they, or society, or their random relatives expected them to be in life.
Anyone from a traditional, Middle-Eastern or comparable background can generally agree there are common expectations of what your life is supposed to look like by the time you reach roughly your mid-twenties. Not only should you be successful and educated, but also in a loving, healthy and happy marriage with at least one child, and preferably to someone known and approved by the family prior to the agreement of the union. Now, let’s take these already semi-unrealistic expectations (because it is 2016) and merge them into the age of digital culture, which basically subliminally pressures people into forcibly portraying their perfect lives for the rest of the world to see and admire. The combination of these two factors can potentially be so unfairly and excessively damaging to someone’s sense of well-being who doesn’t exactly fall into this category. If you’re still unmarried by a certain age, or still trying to figure out your career path, or you do not have children, or you’re divorced, or you haven’t taken a vacation all year, you’re subconsciously left feeling like something is “missing” due to the expectations ingrained by traditional culture and now the powerfulinfluence of social media. Whether one likes to admit it or not, we are constantly finding ourselves comparing our lives to others which in turn, provokes us to NOT fully appreciate that steering left off the straight storybook path can be just as rewarding and gratifying.
Shifting this mentality can be difficult, especially when immersed in a world where the majority of those around you have fully embraced this perfectly acceptable way of living because, it DOES still work for most. However, if your intuition is telling you that the standard expectations may not be appealing to you right now, or ever, then overcoming that fear is the first step to discovering what can be waiting for you on the other side is also enriching and purposeful. Just so there’s no confusion, this by no means is a pledge against traditional lifestyle choices. In fact, I applaud and admire those who have managed to preserve our customs and beliefs in the midst of an extremely ever changing and overexposed society.
I’m often approached and asked how I had the will to completely alter my life’s course from the foreseeable norm to the completely unknown. While I never have a concrete answer, my central notion is simple. The unknown, unpredictable, risky future was without a doubt a better choice for me and how I imagined my life to play out than the slight chance that I won’t have the opportunity to reach my highest potential. Obviously, this has been a long and challenging work in progress and I, like many others, sometimes fall into the trap of comparing my current status to those who are similar to me demographically. What I have discovered is that no matter how strenuous, one has to find the mental strength to reject the belief that “the grass is greener on the other side”. I can’t take full credit for reaching this epiphany. It took time, experience, self-reflection, disappointments, and inspiration from many others who also dug the courage to walk away from a situation that was no longer adding value to their life. Breaking traditional and societal boundaries for those of us whose identities weigh so heavily on where we come from doesn’t mean we’re rebellious and rejecting the status quo. It means that not every single aspect of the typical step-by-step process is going to perfectly fit into each person’s path like a puzzle. The value in accepting this concept is that one recognizes their puzzle is built how they choose. It shouldn’t ever mean that since you don’t have all the components someone else does at the exact same time that you are incomplete.
I’ve recently had two encounters with two women, both of Arab and Muslim descent, but in this case it can be a universally relatable conversation. The first is in her late twenties who has recently moved to Dubai from the U.S. for work and an overall life change. As we’re overlooking the breathtaking Aegean Sea, she was describing how she’s ready to settle down and feels that she’s reaped all the benefits of what the freedom of single-hood offers. The other woman is in her early forties, in an unhappy marriage, has four children and feels like it’s too late for her to start over. Ironically, my advice to these women was the same, and that’s probably due to the fact that I’ve, in a way, lived on both ends of the spectrum: It is NEVER too late to shift course. No one should unnecessarily add pressure on themselves to abide by a strict timeline or limit their life choices to a restrictive pool of options that exclusively align with our cultural, religious, and family values. Instead of being self-critical by convincing yourself that you’re not where you should be and consequently falling into a vicious cycle of unhappiness – appreciate that no matter what situation you are in (irrespective of age, profession, and marital status), it would have never brought you to the realization of where you want to be.
Originally appeared on MissMuslim.