Radical Acceptance: How To Find Your Confidence Now
I recently discovered a concept that is so incredibly freeing it propelled my “growth” a lot faster than I expected. It’s called radical acceptance. An idea that can be defined as completely accepting ourselves and a situation that is beyond our control as is without judgment. I think there’s a bit of an obsessive culture around self-improvement and Instagram therapy that can be somewhat damaging. It keeps us in a constant state of chasing perfection and believing we need more than what we already have. When we fully and completely accept where we are, we give ourselves the grace to move forward and problem-solve without being attached to an outcome.
About three years ago, I walked into my first Jane class with zero expectations. I was taking a “professional gap year” and needed an outlet to release my energy and have some form of structure. For the first time in my life, my end goal wasn’t to lose weight. Whether I was aware of it or not at the time, I think that’s a huge part of why a significant and permanent transformation happened within me. I didn’t care about the bigger picture; I only focused on making it through each class, one day at a time. Having that perspective every time I successfully completed a class (especially Train Jane) is what built my confidence and empowered me to implement this new attitude in other aspects of my life.
Releasing the unnecessary pressure we put on ourselves to be “perfect”, but still DO hard things is a form of both acceptance and growth. Personally, coming from a more modest culture around femininity, this helped me realize I can be confident, outspoken, and progressive while still maintaining my values and traditions.
Here’s an easy breakdown of how we can apply this concept to our lives, sans the pressure :)
Own Your Current Status Exactly As It Is: This sounds like a tough pill to swallow, especially if we’re not exactly where we want to be in life. It doesn’t mean giving up on our goals. Surrendering to our current circumstances as they are without getting lost in the NEED for change helps us become more aware of what we can control. Ultimately, it means not beating ourselves up throughout every step of our journey.
Own Your Needs: I’m sure many women can relate. I spent most of my 20s nitpicking every single thing about myself that I didn’t like, worrying too much about what other people think, and not meeting my own needs. Owning our needs means not being afraid to ask for what we want, believe that we deserve it, and eliminate the belief that we should be perpetual givers without getting anything in return. That can be something as simple as asking for a day off to rest to asking your partner what you need more of to feel satisfied in the relationship. Owning our needs, and speaking up when it matters strengthens our sense of worth (AKA, our self-confidence).
Keep Daily Promises to Yourself: It’s not up to everyone else to meet our needs ALL the time. That just leads to disappointment. It all starts with the relationship we have with ourselves (I know we’ve heard this a million times before). Accepting where we are, but still making small, incremental changes daily teaches us that we are reliable and can hold ourselves accountable. It’s also much easier to maintain and builds self-esteem over time so that it lasts.
Pay Attention to How You Feel: Learning to listen to ourselves, how we feel both emotionally and physically in any situation trains us to trust our intuition. It’s a skill we have to continuously fine-tune because most women were brought up to dismiss their feelings as “too emotional”. This is a big one, and probably one of the most critical tools we can gift ourselves. Trusting our decisions when it feels right at the moment means we can also forgive ourselves when something doesn’t turn out the way we expected.
We can accept where we are fully and completely, continue to love ourselves, practice self-compassion throughout our personal journeys, and still work at improving and growing daily. Knowing that these things can coexist develops a sense of self-confidence that will flourish and grow stronger with time.
Originally appeared on JaneDO
