How Our Negative Emotions Can Help Us And Not Harm Us
It feels like the world has been in quarantine for an unmeasurable amount of time now. Every day is a blur and committing to any long-term plans is pointless. The global pandemic has most likely taught many of us more about ourselves than we ever cared to know. A complete disruption of our social norms will inevitably have a massive impact on our emotional and mental health. The way we choose to respond to and direct our thoughts can serve our highest good and strengthen our emotional intelligence if we have the proper, applicable tools to do so. This is definitely not an easy task. It takes a very high level of self-awareness to understand our habitual thought patterns and know that they don’t define us and they don’t have to control us. The good news is, we have a plethora of resources to tap into now to make sense of our emotions and how to utilize them during a very confusing time. I’ve obsessively done the research on this from clinical psychologists and mental health experts across the board. Don’t worry, this is not just my two cents: this is a practiced, studied, reputable, reliable, and most importantly, a scientifically-based analysis.
I have been wanting to address this topic for a long time for many reasons, but given the current crisis, my original hypothesis had to take some slight shifts. Originally, I wanted to confront how our cultural background could play a strong role in debilitating our capability to make sense of our current emotional state in any given situation, whether it’s positive or negative. I will touch on that because it’s important and closely tied to how (from what I’ve witnessed) we’ve collectively been handling our reactions to this pandemic.
…It’s not exactly innately learned how to process our emotions and how to channel them effectively.
While I’m someone who is generally optimistic, I don’t think it’s useful, fair, or practical to completely deny one’s natural responses to challenging circumstances. Although we Arabs tend to be more dramatic and expressive, it’s not exactly innately learned how to process our emotions and how to channel them effectively. I assume that’s the case with most non-Western cultures, but I can only confidently speak from personal experience. In many cases, our anger or sadness is repressed long enough to turn into a lifelong loop of resentment without ever confronting the root problem. And in other cases, there is an over-reaction that never reaches a solution because one is stuck in how they feel instead of being able to clearly communicate their needs. Again, skills that most people weren’t taught that Neuro and Behavioral Psychology has recently begun to break down in practical terms. Once we can understand that our emotions are simply feelings, created by thoughts that come and go, we give them less power and consequently can live a more level-headed and peaceful existence, AND as a bonus, have more meaningful relationships because it strengthens our emotional intelligence (EQ) and ability to empathize with others.
What we have to learn is to try and not judge ourselves when uncomfortable emotions surface. This is so important to understand, especially now. Millions of people around the world have been severely afflicted by this crisis. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, their own health, the loss of a job, increased financial strains, increased stress, and fatigue – especially if you’re a healthcare professional or essential worker – the pressure of home-schooling, or having to explain to your little ones why they can’t see their friends, everyone has been affected by this pandemic in some capacity. Feelings of loneliness, restlessness, uncertainty, fear, and anxiety have skyrocketed, and for understandable reasons.
Since stay-at-home orders were enforced in the US (and globally) in March, the complete overload of conflicting social media posts kicked off. I do appreciate the accessibility some platforms give us to connect with others and to learn. However, I’ve noticed a ridiculous amount of misinformation and disingenuous messages that are probably not ill-intended but also lack empathy and common sense. What most of us don’t realize is everything we read and watch is absorbed by an audience who are all experiencing something different. Being mindful of that is a service and an obligation during an extremely sensitive and fragile time.
There is a large movement in the self-help/mental health arena by people who are not eligible whatsoever to give advice on how to cope with a crisis, manage anxiety and depression, and handle uncertainty. They tend to target the most vulnerable and convince them that “just staying positive” will solve all of their problems. Not only is this completely false, but there is zero credibility behind these claims and it’s even more destructive to those who are struggling. If someone believes that exclusive positivity is the answer and they find themselves incapable of feeling that, they end up feeling ashamed, which only perpetuates and worsens their current mental state.
Spoiler Alert: It’s impossible to experience positive emotions 100% of the time.
If you are, it’s called a denial of reality. Feelings of despair, grief, anger, and helplessness are natural and part of the human experience. They serve a purpose to increase our emotional intelligence, build resilience, and rationally identify our personal triggers. We then find relief by learning to find solutions and act on them. Even in Islam, negative emotions and life struggles serve a purpose to ground us, humble us, bring us back to God, increase our gratitude, and remind us that this is all temporary.
A positive attitude has been proven to be beneficial to living a rewarding and fulfilling life. There are definitely advantages to our overall well-being to looking at the brighter side of things. It can boost our immune system, allow us to achieve more, potentially prevent future health problems, and decrease our stress levels. However, it’s not the only influential behavior. That’s how forced positivity can become toxic. It dismisses one’s reality without leaving any room for validation and understanding.
Phrases to stay away from:
It’s not that bad…
Many people have it so much worse…
Everyone is feeling the same thing…
Focus on the positive…
Just stay busy…
You’ll figure it out…
Understanding negative emotions and utilizing them as tools to help you deconstruct unhelpful habits and thought patterns is key. And in many cases, people need professional guidance to be able to understand that concept and put it into practice. The overachievers and perpetually positive personas we see on social media I believe are the most dangerous, followed by their opposite counterparts – the constant complainers. As I mentioned earlier, emotions are not necessarily good or bad. They are feelings that we can learn to let come and go. If you’re someone who is angry or sad because you’ve been working from home for two and a half months, haven’t seen your loved ones, and don’t know the future of your company, then obviously feelings of anxiety and frustration will come up and that shouldn’t be denied or shamed. It’s the actions we choose as a result of those feelings that will either help us or harm us further.
A technique that I find most helpful is to learn how to observe our thoughts that create the feeling we’re experiencing. Resistance is a band-aid and will allow the issue to resurface on a more intense level. We can acknowledge that, “In this moment, I feel … (fill in the blank)”. This way we neither identify with the feeling nor deny it completely. You can then clearly establish what you can control by writing down exactly what your worries are. The more we practice this, the more we begin to witness how much faster these negative feelings pass. Of course, other helpful strategies to cope are regular physical movement, conscious breathing, and social connection.
If you’re someone who has been struggling with extreme anxiety, hopelessness, chronic stress, and the feelings seem unmanageable, please reach out to a trustworthy source and seek advice from an expert. Here at MISSMUSLIM, we have an array of reliable resources and licensed mental health professionals that we can connect you with that will remain completely confidential. Don’t hesitate to reach out at contactus@missmuslim.nyc
Originally appeared on MissMuslim.