The Fight For Women’s Progression In A Divided Arab World
Over the last decade, as I’ve immersed myself in and embraced a world that was somewhat unfamiliar to me, I discovered that many of the preconceived ideas I had about where we stand as women of Middle Eastern/Arab/Muslim descent, in terms of progression, independence, equality, respect, and acceptance were relatively inaccurate. Maybe it was wishful thinking and keeping my blinders on by only focusing on the positive aspects of our development. I’ll always choose to emphasize how much we’ve changed and advanced in different parts of the world, particularly in more metropolitan regions of the Middle East. But still, I find myself shocked, disappointed and heartbroken over the work we still have to do before the Arab world and the culture we’ve adopted is in a place that isn’t so overwhelmingly divided.
My intention is not to bash our cultural “norms”, belief systems, and spiritual practices. For the sake of trying to salvage our generalized, negative reputation in the West, I have to say that the issues I raise are regularly being challenged and spoken out against by individuals living in this environment day in and day out. Scores of public figures, celebrities, journalists, and NGOs are committed to proving the negative impact these cultural mentalities have on our society. They, like most Arab-Muslim women (and men) across the world, are attached to their culture, their faith, and uphold their values too much to allow these dangerously outdated concepts overshadow the core of who we are and what we strive to accomplish collectively.
Part of the problem is the attachment we have to our identity and the pride we hold that prevents us from being publicly vocal about the internal conflicts we’re still experiencing. In addition, we are perpetually trying to prove to the West that their stereotypes about us are wrong. And they are for the most part, but that doesn’t mean we should de-prioritize and minimize the internal differences that are proven to be extremely problematic and damaging. This is part of what is consequently blocking us from reaching a place of unity against heavier worldly injustices. While this is not a groundbreaking realization, we have yet to reach tangible and realistic solutions.
We are resilient and determined because our people desperately need to see it, accept it, and change.
After grappling with this conflict through my own experiences, I’m still confused and sometimes paralyzed on how to address the deeper, uncomfortable, and sometimes embarrassing differences we are tackling amongst each other. I was also quietly hoping that I would have enough powerful and positive examples of women that overcame these limitations and that would encourage an organic merge between “traditional” and “modern”. This would break the cycle that countless women I know who are enduring the same old repetitive story. The story of being unreasonably judged and sometimes ostracized by one’s own community for not following the same path and rules we were programmed to. I will use my own self and many other women I know as examples. As a woman in my 30s, who earned a higher education, built a decade long career, happens to be divorced, that also lived in another country far (far) away from my family, travels frequently alone, (the list goes on) that automatically makes me a threat in my own community. A threat because it could empower other women who are unfairly sheltered to pursue a path that is best for their fulfillment and bring them inner peace. But also because it means we are challenged to expand the way we think and the way we view the world.
Several facets of our community are still frightened by assimilation, terrified of anything that remotely implies modernization, which results in too many instances of young people that don’t have the free will to choose the life that they want. This means we’re going to continue spilling these ideologies onto the next generation. The number of women being disowned by their families because their parents didn’t approve of the person they want to marry, mostly in cases of interracial marriages is shameful. Or women running away from their homes because their families were pressuring her into an unwanted marriage. Or not allowing her to leave an abusive relationship because of the implications it has on their reputation within the community. There are young men threatened to be shunned from the family if they don’t choose exactly the partner and career their parents want that would best carry out the family name. There are young girls being pulled out of school for irrational reasons. Girls that still have no idea what their menstrual periods are or how to take care of their bodies because of the shame that comes with it. There are loads of men that develop deeply rooted mental and emotional complexes because their mothers coddle them into adulthood and unconditionally praise them simply for being a man: The result is an adult male that feels entitled, superior to his spouse, and has no clue how to navigate a partnership. The most painful repercussions surface in extreme cases of domestic and gender-based violence, an overwhelming rise in depression, anxiety, and suicide among young people, and other adverse societal ramifications.
Several facets of our community are still frightened by assimilation, terrified of anything that remotely implies modernization…
The most recent public case of Israa Ghrayeb, a 21-year-old Palestinian woman who was beaten to death by her brothers, brother-in-law, and father for going out with her fiance and posting it on Instagram. Thankfully, through the power of social media, and activist groups across Palestine, Israa’s death caused an uproar in the Arab world and a demand to amend laws that better protect women against any type of violence. In Israa’s case, her life ended under the distorted notion of “honor”. It’s baffling to hear the word “honor” being used in an instance where someone’s life was taken in such a barbaric and cowardly way.
Hearing stories like Israa’s is daunting and depleting to those of us who are determined to set a different precedent for our communities. It’s especially difficult to digest because she seemed to be living a very normal life and not from an isolated, rural village that’s cut off from the rest of civilization. Not that it would be justified or excused in any scenario. This led me to realize this battle is much more complex than just changing a group of people’s mentality.
Just about 10 years ago, there were always reasons to excuse such narrow mindedness by knowing these customs stem from rural and tribal villages all over the Middle East because people didn’t have the opportunities and resources to learn or evolve. Their lack of exposure to the outside world prevented them from any form of change. However, that’s not the world we live in anymore. We are all interconnected virtually, and very aware of how other Arabs and Muslims are living and what they are accomplishing while still maintaining their identity and culture. In other words, there’s enough information easily and readily available to know better and do better. It’s the fear of losing a sense of who they think they are supposed to be that blocks people from connecting and understanding one another. Even in my own community, a small village northeast of Jerusalem, the women in my extended family particularly are considered to be “too modern, too open, too outspoken, too strong,…” which just translates to “not compliant, not controlled, not submissive, and independent”. I’ll consider that a win.
Maybe on some microscopic level, we could break this vicious cycle and prove that we can be exactly who we want to be without being judged or nixed by our own community. Maybe we can disrupt the pattern we’re fed and showcase that we don’t have to abide by the roles enforced on us in order to be accepted, successful, and validated.
I’ve always felt compelled and obligated to share these concerns publicly for the unfortunate fact that almost every Arab woman that I know personally has experienced some version of feeling ostracized, demeaned, and challenged for having a mind and goals of her own by her community and sometimes by her own family. And because I’m usually unwavering in my optimism, my normal response is to focus on the massive shifts we’ve made in the progression of women and significant roles we represent in Arab society. We are resilient and determined because our people desperately need to see it, accept it, and change. This outlook is also a direct result of my upbringing, which I’ve also come to realize is not the norm, at least not where I come from. When I’m constantly being reminded of how rare it is to have a family that is encouraging, open-minded and applaud independence and growth, it often led me to try and push others to open their minds and hearts to do the same. The results are positive, uplifting and make a real difference in our lives, our relationships, and especially in our sense of self-worth.
When we can start to bridge even the tiny gaps between extremely traditional and safely modern, we can create a space for acceptance and unity among ourselves. This is the first and most crucial step in solving the greater divisions we’re battling, like displacement, war, discrimination, basic human freedoms, and especially the perception that patriarchy and oppression is an inherently Arab issue. With unity and understanding among ourselves on the most micro level, we can reach a safe and judgment-free space that can help us address and bring us closer to resolving the larger societal issues at hand.
Originally appeared on MissMuslim.